Caffeine Confidential: The Double-Blind Date

Sometimes, first dates end up with you slumped against the kitchen cabinets, eating Cool-Whip out of the tub with a wooden spoon at midnight because you’re drunk and over it. Other times, first dates end laughing your ass off until 3am and then making out to the remnants of a well-intentioned but comically horrible “dinner party playlist.” Of course, because the rom-com version of my life is way more “com” and not so much “rom,” that hilarious, super-fun date was also the most random and millennial of them all.

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My friend (and I met two guys on a Tinder Group match. Which means that her and I both got on Tinder, linked our profiles together, and swiped through similar duos of men in our area. I’m pretty sure all four of us were pretty drunk on a Friday night when this actually happened. There were a lot of Speedo GIFs exchanged in our chat.

The following week, we discovered that one of the guys goes to my friend’s gym… so he wasn’t a TOTAL stranger. We promptly vetted him via our very prestigious Acceptance System (which includes analyzing the ratio of gym mirror selfies to actual dumbbell lifting) and the double date was set. We were cordially invited (as cordially as a Tinder invite can be) to dinner at Friend’s apartment downtown. We were tasked with bringing wine, and they were going to pull off a first date cooking for two girls only one of them has met for about 120 seconds. This sounded like a great plan, and not at all like the plot of a Lifetime movie…

Don’t worry, concerned people everywhere… we took precautionary measures. We had an escape plan, and a “we gotta go NOW” code phrase, and shared our iPhone locations with each other and an outside third party who has law enforcement connections. We Googled. We coordinated outfits, and properly pregamed with a protein shake and half a bottle of wine.

I guess now would be a good time to admit that our biggest worry wasn’t being kidnapped and having our kidneys sold to some Russian gang. We were mostly anxious because we had no idea what the protocol for a double-blind date was. Which guy was into which of us? What if we were into opposite guys? Did they discuss this beforehand? I took to Twitter for guidance but it came up short… we went in to the date with a solid buzz and ready to pretend we liked whatever two bachelors were able to cook.

I’ve been on a few really great dates before, with men I didn’t necessarily have feelings for. Maybe you know the kind – the conversation flows easily, the company is entertaining and charming, and it’s comfortable and just fun. This was one of those. It certainly helped that both sides had a friend in the fight, and felt more like a group of friends hanging out for a semi-adult dinner party. The Boys had bought enough groceries to cook pasta for the entire African continent, wanting to impress us with homemade bolognese sauce and a lemon-shrimp pasta, accompanied by homemade Bruschetta and approximately 6 bottles of wine. We tackled the shrimp pasta, nearly an entire loaf of Bruschetta, and every last drop of the wine. We eventually figured out who was into who… probably thanks to some of the liquid courage. My abs were sore the next day from laughing so hard.

Funny how life works… the situations that seem the most absurd and likely to go awry actually end pretty decently. I’m not suggesting you go over to strange men’s houses and drink copious amounts of alcohol. I’m just saying, good dates don’t always happen how you think they will. There’s absolutely such thing as having a great time with great company and not projecting a future with them. Sometimes a good date can just be… a good date.


I’m not going to narrate every one of the dates, but I felt this one was worth the explanation due to how incredibly random and positive it was. Read about how this whole thing started here, or the best of the worst dates here.
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